I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
