when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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