I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
