GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
