When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize