Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
