After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
