Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
