yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
