We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
