new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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