I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
