I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
