I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
