You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
