i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
