ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
bring money and cleavage
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
