I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
