how can u be prego again
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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