Your dad touched me again.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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