Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Found the puke drawer
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
