my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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