So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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