..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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