i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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