just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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