I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
