The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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