I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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