What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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