she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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