I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
