I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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