just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
