Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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