i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
