So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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