I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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