i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
