this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
