bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
