Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My bed smells like the plague
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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