omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you never un-have a 4some
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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