Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
