Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
