I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
