My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize