I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
