Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
