It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
