Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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