I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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