I wish my penis had an off switch
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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