I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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