Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
