And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
