Welp...herpes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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