the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
