Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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