Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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