did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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