I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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