apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
