paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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