she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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