he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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