Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
