Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
