it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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