Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
