listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
